© Copyright Harleston Grapevine 2009

I hint bin tew handy jest lear'ly. Fust I hed un itchy lug, un the more I scratched ut the wurse tha' wos. Then I rickud me back un I couldn't hardly bend ouver. Ar'er tha' I got a duzzy toothearche, un then I hed a lump on the bottum ov me foot. Talk abowet everything cum ut wunse.

“Go tu hike Humbert” the Missus sed “yar in a rum ow steart un no mistearke! Yar ow body fare tu be a cummun apart ut the seams”. “I know Missus” I sed “I dowunt know witch part tu git treated fust”. “Humbert” she sed “I reckun  ifn yew were un owd dorg yewed hatta be put dowen”. “Thas awl werry well Missus” I replied “but ifn I cun git fixed up I reckun um gud fur a few more years us yet!”

Sew no more tew dew I limped orf tew the Doctors. I towd um at the surgery tha' wus an emergunsee on accowunt of ut the rearte I wus a gorn I wurnt a gorn a last tew long. I see tha' thar doctor Valerie, un he towd me tew tearke sum tabluts fur me foot. Then he looked in me ear, grunted, un give me sum ointmunt tu rub in.

He say “Humbert, yew seem to be standun ut a funny owd angle, I reckun yar gotta lean ouver ov abowet 60 degrees”. “I know Doctur” I sed,” thas me back, our rickud ut”. “Yew better gow hume un rest then” he sed. But I couldn't cus I hatta git tew the Dentist next!

Sew, tha' tarned owed wun uv me filluns ud cum lewse. Sew the dentist fillud me mouth up with awl manner uv metal gadgets un star'ud tu refill me fillun. Tha' thar suckshun poipe us a rum thing, tha' thar nurse nearly suckud me tung owed a me head ut wun point.

Ennyhow, tha' tooth took twenty minutes tu shuvel sum more fillun  in, un yew mite be shure tha' weren't cheep either. Ennywaye, ar'er restun me back fur a daye or tew I wus feelun a rare lot better.

“Well Humbert” the Missus sed “I thort ut wun point thar I wus a gorn a hevtu look fur a yunger model”. “No fear Missus” I sed “tha' looke us thow yar stuck with me fur a little wile us yet”. She jest larfud.

Fare thee well.